My Lost Love~

Yes, i used to say that i want to marry Norfatin Najwa bt. Mohd Fuad in my past posts~ it's true and will always be true~ thats my feelings and i'm not the kind of person that changes dreams easily~ thats like a person who does not know how to appreciate themselves~

But thennn~~~

Things happened the wrong way~ we fought and we ended up breaking up after 4 years together~ maybe theres not much memory that has been made but the memories that are still there are all so precious~

When we fought, i was putting all the blame on her~ it was actually me who's supposed to be blamed~ she was innocent~ she did nothing but i cursed her as if she's the supervillain who played my heart~ LOL~

I do regret doing this, but its for her own good~ she's sweet, cute, tall, big round eyes (fav part), smart and intelligent, and always take good care of her friends and familys' feelings~

Buttt~

Im the dumb one, has no looks, tend to play more than studying, passed spm with just only a few credits~ how am i supposed to cope with a brilliant girl like that??? People will say things like "dia tu mesti nak amik peluang kat pmpuan tu" and thats something that i dont like at all~

Yes, in my heart, there will always be a space in it for her to fill in~ and day by day im hoping that she'll fill it again~ BUT after im successful enough to compete with her~

Even if she won't fill that part anymore, im grateful enough to know that i left her untouched~ at least thats the only good thing that i can be proud of when being with her~

yes, we are humans and we have lusts and also intentions to have 'sweet' relationships like those western dudes~ i have the intention too once before but thinking of the sins that will be done by me and the sins that she has to take responsibility of just because of my intention to satisfy my lust~ thats not a good boyfriend i suppose~

I'll miss her laughs, her voice, her smile and even her cute and stubborn attitude~ but i have to face the fact that shes not mine anymore~ shes my dream, always mine~ now, im depending on Allah to whether connect us together again, but not to connect in relationships... But to connect us as husband and wife~ where everything is halal~ and where i can look at her face all day long~ till my very last breath~

I wont hope or expect much but i wanna say that im still loving, missing and wanting to get you back wawa~ youre always my dream and insyaAllah if things went out well, we'll be back again, and if not, i'll be in the shadows watching you to be there by your side when youre in mischief~

Sincerely by me, Mohammad Syahmi Bin Kamaruddin~ i love you and will always do~ :)